As the third plane of their journey touched down in Bangkok the first thing Jimmy noticed was the smell ‘Fuck me it’s pengs like come down sweat and helicopter fumes here man!’ the younger man also commented on the local smells ‘Reminds of Glasgow, the stench of teenage pregnancy, foreigners and leftover Chinese takeaways’ The older man just continued walking without comment
As they made their way from the plane they noticed a man holding a sign that said, in black writing that looked like a drunk octopus had written it ‘Jeemee Murr’ ‘Ah, assume that cabbie is for us’ the old man said.
Indeed it was, and once they were greeted in broken English by the man and clambered into the car, the taxi then sped off at what could be best described as going like shit off a stick.
‘I take you Lampang now’
‘What did he say? Jimmy asked
‘No idea, hopefully there’s a boozer there’ the younger man quipped ‘Hey driver, any banging birds where we’re going to?’
‘Oh res, rots and rots of girls, all shape and size, suck your pee pee through a straw for ten dollar’
They eventually made it to a street which looked like the drinking district of whatever town they were in. The old man went away and left Jimmy and the younger man to visit the establishments, of which there were plenty.
After a period of time, hours, days Jimmy didn’t know, he was woken up by the sound of the old man and another voice he didn’t recognise
‘Him?!’ The unfamiliar voice said sounding shocked
Rolling his eyes the new man said ‘He’ll do’
The new man helped Jimmy to his feet. ‘You’ve got 1 objective and that is to stay in the league’
Jimmy, banging headache and possible concussion replied ‘Okay, where do I go?’
‘To the pitch. Your first game starts in 1 hour’
The man in question was the chairman of Thailand second division football team Lampang FC, who at that time were bottom of the league, with 2 wins from 22, and 9 points from safety. Jimmy doesn’t know how this has happened, but he’s gone from being a no hoper in the arse end of Edinburgh to a no hope club in the arse end of Asia.
Next chapter – I’m Jimmy Muir, and I am invincible
First chapter – When Saturday Comes – Part i